Serving Christ, Spouse and Children

Back in January of 2017, Chuck Schumer made a widely quoted statement about the US intelligence community in an interview with Rachel Maddow. He said, “Let me tell you, you take on the intelligence community, they have six ways from Sunday at getting back at you."

The devil comes against the servant of Christ from many directions. He wants to stop us from serving Jesus. He will do it by ripping apart our marriages and turning our children against us if he can. Thus, we need Jesus Christ to prosper our service to Him, spouse and family.

How should a disciple of Jesus balance his roles as a husband, father and servant of Christ?

As a teen, I enjoyed singing hymns that inspired me to serve Christ. Three of my favorites were:

A Mighty Fortress is our God
Savior Thy Dying Love
Jesus, I My Cross have Taken

Some lines from these hymns include:

“A Mighty Fortress is our God” v. 4: “Let goods and kindred go. This mortal life also. The body they may kill. God’s truth abides still. His kingdom is forever.”

“Savior Thy Dying Love” v. 3: “Give me a faithful heart likeness to Thee, that each departing day, henceforth may see, some work of love begun, some deed of kindness done, some wanderer sought and won, something for Thee.”

“Jesus, I my Cross have taken” in v. 2: “And while Thou shalt smile upon me, God of wisdom, love, and might, foes may hate and friends may shun me, show Thy face, and all is bright.”

These lines helped to shape my purpose for life. I would bring God glory and enjoy Him forever.

How did my home life shape my concept of the father’s and husband’s role while growing up?

My father worked to provide the needs of wife and children and that was considered enough. I was told to be grateful for that. My mom stayed home and was the relational parent. So, I assumed that fathers were workers not talkers. Mothers were caregivers and conversational.

How did certain Bible passages shape my priorities towards Christ and family?

In Matthew 10:37-38, Jesus taught, “He that loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he that loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he that takes not his cross, and follows after Me, is not worthy of Me.” In Luke 14:26, Jesus said, “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple.”

“Hate” here is a Semitic expression meaning to love less or to place in a lower priority than one’s commitment to God. Jesus also taught us to honor our parents and to love others.

Jesus taught that loyalty to Him must come before loyalty to spouse, children, parents, or any other earthly relationship. Loving a son or daughter more than him makes a person “not worthy” of him. However, He did not teach us to abandon family out of neglect or cruelty. The emphasis is on ultimate allegiance when family obligations and discipleship come into conflict.

As a young missionary, husband and father, I tended to err on the side of being overly zealous to serve the people of China, and fall short in my roles as a husband and father.

But then, good men quoted to me from 1 Timothy 5:8 where Paul wrote: “If any provide not for his own, and especially for those of his own house, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” I did not want to be considered an infidel. I did not want my family to suffer.

At first glance, it may seem that 1 Timothy 5:8 contradicts what Jesus taught about us serving Him supremely. However, most Christian interpreters see the two teachings as addressing different issues. Jesus taught that devotion to God comes before every other loyalty, including family. Paul taught that believers have a responsibility to care for their families and that neglecting that responsibility contradicts the faith they profess.

God wants men to deeply love their families. In the Gospels, Jesus healed children. He responded to the cries of mothers and fathers on behalf of their children. In Matthew 19:14, Jesus said, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them. For of such is the kingdom of heaven.” In Ephesians 6:4, Paul wrote, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”

Following Christ includes loving and providing for one’s family’s physical and spiritual needs—not abandoning them. The man’s role in the family can be compared with that of a prophet, king and priest. The prophet speaks helpful words from God to them. The king protects and provides for them. The priest brings them before God in prayer, and serves them.

Which Christian authors have written about serving Christ, spouse and children simultaneously?

Below are some thoughts from various authors:

Eugene Peterson argues that a pastor’s first congregation is often his own family. He was skeptical of ministry-driven busyness and believed pastoral work should be structured so that marriage and parenting are not sacrificed to church demands.

Brian Croft has written extensively on how a pastor’s qualifications for ministry are inseparable from how he leads and loves his family. His approach is practical and aimed at avoiding the common trap of neglecting home life for church responsibilities.

John Piper emphasizes that a pastor’s effectiveness flows from his relationship with God and integrity at home. While he strongly values ministry, he has repeatedly taught that faithfulness to one’s wife and children is a central part of pastoral faithfulness.

Zack Eswine focuses on accepting human limitations. His work often helps pastors resist the pressure to be constantly available or indispensable, creating healthier space for family life.

Tim Keller urges God’s servants to balance ministry with family through intentional scheduling, shared decision-making with one’s spouse, and refusing to let church demands consume every evening and weekend. Many pastors find his approach realistic because he ministered in a demanding urban context while raising a family.

Charles Spurgeon viewed family life and ministry as deeply interconnected rather than competing spheres. His writings and letters reveal a pastor who cherished his wife and children while carrying immense ministry responsibilities.

Good pastors reject the idea that they prove devotion to God by neglecting their family.

Consider following these guidelines: Your marriage is not a distraction from ministry. Your children are part of your stewardship, not an obstacle to your calling. The Church’s needs are endless, so boundaries are a necessity, not a luxury. A happy pastor is usually more valuable to a church than a grieved one. Success should be measured by Christ-likeness, not activities.

Is the Father and Son relationship of God and Jesus a model for men to follow? Yes, in the sense of love, mutual collaboration and closeness.

Being a servant of God, a father and husband are all God-ordained roles. Each role serves a critical role in helping the world to be a better place.

What am I doing to improve my service in these areas? I am studying relevant Bible passages, regarding what other godly men have said on the topic and am asking the Lord to help me.

As I prayed about serving Christ, spouse and children, the Lord brought to my mind Romans 8:14, where Paul wrote, “For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.” In Psalm 143:10, the Lord provided a prayer for me to pray. It goes, “Teach me to do Your will, for You are my God. May Your good Spirit lead me on level ground.” In Ezekiel 36:27, God promised me, “I will put My Spirit in you and move you to follow My decrees and be careful to keep My laws.” With God all things are possible! I am trusting in Him to finish this race well.