Abstaining From Destructive Criticism

“For you put up with fools gladly since you yourselves are wise! For you put up with it if one brings you into bondage, if one devours you, if one takes from you, if one exalts himself, if one strikes you on the face. To our shame I say that we were too weak for that…” [1]

The Lord is saying not to accept the pain that fools, slavers, back-biters, thieves, despisers of others or physically abusive people seek to bring into your church and personal life.

Elizabeth Gilbert posted on her Facebook page, “Criticism: I avoid criticism about myself not because I DON'T care what people say about me, but because I DO care. I am sensitive and easily bruised. I know that critical words can hurt me, and I am not in the business of hurting myself. I will not put those words in my head. To do so is an act of violence against me.

The novelist John Updike said that reading your own reviews is like eating a sandwich that might have some broken glass in it. I have nothing to gain by eating shards of broken glass. It doesn’t benefit me or anyone else to digest something that will cause internal bleeding.” Malicious critics do not have my best interests at heart. Their words will not make me a better person

“If the review is kind, then read it. It's nice to hear people say nice things about your work! And it’s rare! So when it happens: Treat yourself!

The people who I listen to about my work are people who have earned the right to offer me criticism. They are a few of my closest and most trusted friends, family members, and colleagues. Here is the test, to see if people are allowed to criticize me:

1) Do I trust your opinion and your taste?
2) Do I trust that you understand what I am trying to create?
3) Do I trust that your critique will improve my work?
4) Do I trust that you have my best interests at heart?
5) Do I trust that you will critique me without wounding me?

Gentleness is very important. When somebody tells you that she is brutally honest, she is telling you, ‘I am brutal. I am waiting for a chance to brutalize you.’ I don’t volunteer to be brutalized.

DO NOT put something out there, and then search for that one wickedly cruel comment. If you dig long enough, you will find it. You will find the pain you were looking for. Show the self-discipline that is necessary for self-care. Walk away.

Refusing to read nasty things about myself is not denial; it is affirmation. Protect yourself. People can attack you and insult you, but you are not obliged to listen to them. Turn your head from the violence. Keep working!” [2]

[1] 2 Corinthians 11:19-21
[2] Edited excerpts from Elizabeth Gilbert’s 10.16.15, Facebook post